Many women and men still feel very uncomfortable about broaching the subject and most women still claim to “not enjoy buttsex”. So yes, there is often some anxiety when it comes to this, still quite a taboo topic. The anus does contain an erogenous zone that some people find extremely pleasurable while others simply don’t. But there’s only one way to find out if it works for you or not. There are many ways that you can prepare for the experience so that it’s enjoyable for both partners.
For those of you who are looking to have anal sex for the first time and are feeling a little apprehensive about the prospect: Don’t worry, you are definitely not alone. Here’s a few steps to begin with.
Step 1Relax: The first (and arguably, the most important) thing to do is to find a way to relax mentally as well as physically. Have a warm bath or shower. Have your partner massage you with aromatic oils and put some soothing music on. Learn to understand what it feels like to relax your anal muscles by tightening or clenching the muscles for about a minute, and then unclenching them. This will allow your muscles to practice that sensation.
Step 2Lube up: The Anus is not a self-lubricating orifice, so special measures need to be taken when preparing for penetration. Getting yourself a water or silicone-based anal lube is a good place to start. There is a variety of lubricants on the market that are tailored specifically for anal sex. Because the anus does not produce a natural lubricant, be sure to lather on the lube in very generous portions, and reapply whenever necessary (especially when using a water-based lube, which eventually evaporates). The more, the better. There really is no need to be frugal when it comes to lubing up.
See also: How to Find the Best Lube
Step 3Talk it through: Before entering into any sexual experience (with a new partner or otherwise), communication is key. Talk about your fears as well as your desires and find something that works for you both. A lot of anxiety and awkwardness can be eliminated pretty quickly when you open up and chat about the topic. If your partner has a problem talking about the subject, then perhaps he’s not really ready for it. Remember, intimidation is not an ideal way to make someone feel relaxed. So if you’re feeling pressured or forced to have anal sex, then it probably won’t be an enjoyable experience for you. You should “want” it before you try it.
Step 4Fingers and tongues: A great way to moisten and loosen up the anal sphincter is to massage it with your (or your partner’s) fingers and to moisten it with the tongue. It’s a good way to ready yourself for something bigger to enter. The vagina and the anus share common nerve endings. So stimulating the vagina at the same time, can help to relax the anus muscles too.
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Step 5Wear protection: When partaking in a little bit of back door entry, it is extremely important to wear protection. This is a conversation that needs to happen with your sexual partner. The anal cavity is not as resilient as the vagina and, therefore, is far more susceptible to bacteria, and ultimately, to Sexually Transmitted Infection (STIs). So be sure that the condoms are at the ready. Be sure to not go from the anus to the vagina as this can also lead to infection. Always remember to clean your genitals before and after intercourse in order to kill any hidden bacteria.
Step 6Be In Control: If you’re planning on “taking it” rather than “giving it”, then it’s important that you control the tone of the experience. Be sure to communicate to your partner what feels good and what does not. If something hurts, then stop immediately (you don’t want to cut or tear the lining of your anal canal). Guide your partner’s penis with your hands to set the “pace of penetration”. Some good beginner positions are Doggie Style, and laying on your side, with your partner behind you also on his side. A little patience goes a long way when it comes to anal sex, so make sure you take your time and stay in control of the situation.
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